2011
You know when you say I’m going to shit my pants….
Well that happened.
Disclaimer: I am aware that if anyone of the opposite sex reads this and finds me attractive, you might not after this! Enjoy!
Here is a story that is embarrassing, but I don’t care. The point of this blog is to share experiences, thoughts and concerns. As I said in my first post, if you don’t like it, you can hit the ‘X’ in the corner.
Shitting oneself is always embarrassing, it is something we do on the reg when we are infants, but not so much as adults. Every once in a while you will get that really bad stomach ache and have trouble making it to the toilet before your insides are about to just fall out of you onto the floor. This is especially the case in Mexico. They say don’t drink the water for a reason. They are right. Montezuma that SOB definitely got his revenge on me.
A few years back I traveled to Acapulco, Mexico for spring break. This was the first time I was in Mexico and I had heard about the water and the poverty and the beheading and all that good stuff. I was so excited! Beforehand, my friends and I stocked up on water to brush our teeth with and shit. We tried to avoid putting anything foreign in our mouth because we didn’t want to get sick. On our resort there was a great buffet of somewhat decent food. It all looked magical, especially when shitfaced at 11 am. I just remember raping chips and Guac and eating a whole fuck ton of food thinking,” don’t they wash everything in water?” Anyway I kept eating, as did everyone else.
The next morning I woke up and went down to the pool for the usual debauchery that takes place. There was a kid with a necklace made of Pepto Bismol. Me: “Glad I don’t have diarrhea!”
Fast forward about 2 hours. I am in a pool making out and groping some poor girl and my stomach starts to gurgle. It hurts. I think I need to pee, but I’m not sure. I don’t want to leave the pool, because at this moment, it is bonkers. I leave that girl and I turn to my friend and say, “Dude I have to fart, but I’m afraid I’m going to shit if I fart.” I think he started laughing and said go take a shit. Not sure exactly.
I proceed to hop out of the pool and waddle to the bathroom. You know that walk you do when you REALLY have to poop? That’s the one. For some reason at this point I decide I only need to pee. So I pull up to the urinal and as I’m about to drain the main vein, diarrhea just falls out of my body, down my legs. It wasn’t like a turd or anything, it was just watery. I look down and see a puddle of brown. Fucking Gross. I was so wasted, I think I was laughing, while standing in my own feces. Glad I was wearing Black board shorts. At this point, I’m completely hammered, soaking wet and full of shit. Anyways, I cleaned myself up, went to the front desk and got some little Mexican to let me into my room. I showered and then went back into the pool about an hour later. This clip is a little of what Acapulco was about.
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