Coming off a nice holiday weekend, I found myself waking up early this morning for the usual struggle that is my life. My alarm goes off entirely too early and then I shut it off and proceed to flop around until I force myself to actually get up ( I told myself I was going to get up even earlier and do 15 minutes of yoga and make myself breakfast….it didn’t happen). Once I was in the office I immediately begin to loathe just about everything around me, people included.
As I walk back to my cubicle with my cup of Tea and oatmeal, I can’t help but imagine throwing it in my co worker’s face and then laughing at him. Once I sit down I am distracted by the side conversation that is going on next to me. Two middle-aged men discuss their weekend in excruciating detail about the most obscure topics. Everything from window treatments to soccer practice is somehow brought up, seeming as though each man is trying to out due his peer with the worst weekend possible. This is all going on two feet from me, but eventually they leave and I finish my breakfast. Ten minutes later I hear the last thing I ever want to hear at 8:20 am; the sound of my team member saying, “SIR?”(If you told this guy to eat shit off the sidewalk he would ask with a spoon or knife) It is too early for brown-nosing. I’m not a happy camper, I would like to run up to him and say, “STOP FUCKING SAYING SIR”
At this point my body aches and my mind is somewhere else and I’m staring at the clock, its 8:21. Kill me. Another jolly person stops by and politely asks how my weekend was, I stuck to a one word answer,”fun.” That of course is an understatement, since I had a lot of fun. I don’t want to actually open up to people and let them into my personal life. I will let other people tell me all their fascinating information like their mortgage, house sq footage, weight, past alcoholism and whatever else they care to share. I on the other hand do not want to mix these two worlds.
Throughout the day things just seem to erk me. I am by nature a very nonchalent person, most things hardly affect me since I’m dead inside. Today is different. Every little thing gets under my skin. Just around lunch time while trolling through the halls I look and see this morbidly obese woman carrying fries and a soda. It is at this moment where I think of smashing her food and screaming at her,”Fucking eat a salad, you can’t even see your own feet!” I of course refrain. Not two minutes go by without me seeing the anorexic woman and imagine force-feeding her in a Tarantino-ish flashback. I of course refrain. Once I’m back, I slam my head against the desk and It is suddenly time to go home. I didn’t even have a bad day. For some reason I was blahhhh. I really only get like this when a girl takes a dump on my chest (figuratively not literally) and its been a while since that is happened, maybe I just got my period.